THE
LAW ON PARENTAGE WOULD BE A BLISS ...
By
DR.
SAIYID KHUSRO IQBAL
The
Recognition of Parentage is a legal process that is used to establish
the legal relationship between parents and their children for the determination
of various socio legal rights; responsibilities and accountabilities. Parental Rights, currently recognized as
implied rights, need to become specifically enumerated in the text of the
Constitution because the rights granted in the text of the Constitution
override and overwhelm conflicting principles of customary international law.
Parents
play a very important role in the lives of their children. They have to build a
solid foundation for their kids in order for them to have a successful and rewarding
life both in today’s mortal life and Hereafter. They are the great authority
for whole of their children’s life. Certainly, this is the parent`s
contribution to teach them the rules and main lines of
conduct. Thanks to them and the contact, which they try to make
between themselves and their children to know how to be good people.
When
one thinks of heroes, names such as Gandhi, Martin Luther King, the Mother
Theresa etc often come to mind. These people had done a lot of favors, courage,
helps and more of things for the people who needed them and accordingly they
made efforts to change the world. But, heroes can be in anyway, even in each of
individuals in the world. I think that the best hero for any child is the
parents. Even the weakest parents get
brave when they have to protect their children; they will do anything for their
happiness. Heroes usually best described as selfless, brave, and often
inspiring and this is how most of the parents in the world behave. They always inspire their children to do the
right things, to be strong, and be independent and that is why for their
children they are heroes. Heroes always change in our mind as we grow. As
a child, we think Hercules, Tarzan, superheroes, imaginary friends, comics',
and cartoons' heroes as the real heroes. As we grow older, our opinions keep
changing from time to time. We begin to think about the real things, about what
heroes really are. How they really help society. Even the imaginary heroes have
some morals stories in it. Hero really affects individual approach and life of
society and actually this is what the most parents do by influencing the way
their children thinking through teaching them good morals.
Parents
are role models who are the important key elements in a child’s development.
Our parents were there to give us life, to take care of us and to teach us what
is right from wrong. “I will maintain that parent’ voluntary sacrifices, rather
than creating “debts” to be repaid,” tend to create love or “friendship”.
Depending how parents treat the child either in a negative or positive way,
will determine how the grown child will treat the society and other human
relations when they get mature. “The duties of grown children are those of
friends and result from love between them and their parents, rather than being
things owed in repayment for parents’ earlier sacrifices
Parenting
or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical,
emotional, financial and intellectual development of a child from infancy to
adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the
biological relationship. Parenting should involve spending time with own kids,
chatting with them daily, teaching them right from wrong, teaching them
manners, teaching them to share, loving them, playing with them etc. Social
class, wealth, culture and income have a very strong impact on
what methods of child rearing are used by parents. Cultural values play a
major role in how a parent raises their child. However, parenting is always evolving;
as times change, cultural practices and social norms and traditions change. A
family's social class plays a large role in the opportunities and resources
that will be made available to a child. Working-class children often grow up at
a disadvantage with the schooling, communities, and parental attention made
available to them compared to middle-class or upper-class upbringing. Also,
lower working-class families do not get the kind of networking that the middle
and upper classes do through helpful family members, friends, and community
individuals and groups as well as various professionals or experts
A
parenting style is the overall emotional climate in the home. The developmental
psychologist Diana Baumrind identified three main parenting styles in
early child development: authoritative,
authoritarian, and permissive. These parenting styles were
later expanded to four, including an uninvolved
style. These four styles of parenting involve combinations of acceptance and
responsiveness on the one hand and demand and control on the other. Parenting
styles are only a small piece of what it takes to be a "good parent".
Parenting takes a lot of skill and patience and is constant work and growth.
Research shows that children benefit most when their parents:
ü communicate
honestly about events or discussions that have happened, also that parents
explain clearly to children what happened and how they were involved if they
were
ü stay
consistent, children need structure, parents that have normal routines benefits
children incredibly;
ü utilize
resources available to them, reaching out into the community;
ü taking
more interest in their child's educational needs and early development;
ü keeping
open communication and staying educated on what their child is learning and
doing and how it is affecting them.
Parenting
skills are often assumed to be self-evident or naturally present in parents.
This is a very much oversimplified view which is emphasized by Virginia
Satir, pioneer in family therapy:
“In
some ways we got the idea that raising families was all instinct and intent,
and we behave as if anyone could be an effective parent simply because he
wanted to be, or because he just happened to go through the acts of conception
and birth. However this is the most complicated job in the world”
Although
our existence is from Allah (Glory and Greatness be to Him), it is our parents
who are the means of giving us life. We are an offshoot of their existence and
a fruit of the garden of their unparalleled affection, training, love and sentiments.
When the forgetful human being grows up to become big and strong and comes to
acquire a certain credibility (in life), he forgets the period wherein he was
weak and lacking in strength. He disregards the exhaustive efforts of his
parents; what ingratitude could be worse than this?
Humanity
and ethics demand that we safeguard these two jewels (our mother and father) by
exhibiting goodness towards them while they are alive, and by means of charity
and goodly remembrance after their death.
Our
lives are an extension of our parent's lives while our children's lives are a
continuation of ours. Our good behavior towards our parents and our exhibition
of kindness towards them shall cause our children to grow up as grateful and
righteous individuals. They shall behave with us just as we have behaved with
our own parents.
Parents
& Islam
The
first place among the blood relatives is reserved for parents. No one among the
relatives equals them in the status given to them by Allah.
“And
your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him; and that you be dutiful to
your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say
not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them, but address them in terms
of honor.”
(Aayah
No. 23, Surah Al-Isra’, Chapter No. 17, Holy Qur’an)
It
is such a great honor for parents that Allah puts it as a duty of mankind to be
obedient and dutiful to his/her parents. And we see that the ruling is placed
just after the ruling regarding worshipping Allah alone. This itself signifies
the elevated status of parents in Islam. We have to be dutiful to our parents;
obey them and respect them. It is not even allowed to say ‘Uff’ (hmm), the
mildest word of disrespect, to the parents if they reach old age.
“And
lower unto them the wing of submission & humility through mercy and say:
‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.”
(Aayah
No. 24, Surah Al-Isra’, Chapter No. 17, Holy Qur’an)
This
is a very important supplication that every Muslim is supposed to make for
his/her parents. This emphasizes the fact that parents go through several
phases of hardships in upbringing of their children. A child cannot repay the
favors done by the parents to him, whatsoever he/she may do for them. However,
every child should pray to Allah for wellbeing of his/her parents in this world
as well as the Hereafter.
It
was narrated from Abu Hurairah (RA) that Rasool-Allah (PBUH) said, “When a man (or a woman) dies, all his/her
good deeds come to an end, except three: a) Ongoing charity done by the
deceased (Sadaqa-e-Jaariya)…b) Beneficial knowledge of the deceased that will
keep on helping the others.…..and third….c) Righteous son/daughter who will
pray for him/her (the deceased).”
(Hadith
No. 4223 (1631), Book of Wills, Sahih Muslim, Vol. 4)
This
narration tells us that the supplications (and righteousness) of a child
benefits the parents even after their death.
It
was narrated that Abu Hurairah (RA) said: A man came to Allah’s Messenger
(PBUH) and asked, “Which of the people is
most deserving of my best companionship?” He said, “Your mother.” He said,
“Then who?” He said, “Then your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Then
your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Then your father.” (Hadith No.
5971, Book of Al-Adab, Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 8; Hadith No. 6500 (2548), Book of
Al-Birr, Sahih Muslim, Vol. 6).
Therefore,
the status of mother is three times more than father.
A
Muslim may achieve the ultimate goal of entering the Paradise by virtue of
him/her being good to his/her parents. In this context, Allah says:
“And
we have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears
him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of
him, and the weaning of him is thirty months, till when he attains full
strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Grant me the power and
ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me
and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You,
and make my offspring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and
truly, I am one of the Muslims.”
(Aayah No’s 15, Surah Al-Ahqaf, Chapter No.
46, Holy Qur’an)
These
glorious verses tell us that people who are good to their parents and pray to
Allah thanking Him for His Favours to them, Allah shall overlook their evil
deeds, forgive them of that and grant them the entry to Paradise, the ultimate
destination. May Allah guide us to be likes of those (Ameen)
It
was narrated from Mu’awiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami, that Jahimah came to the
Prophet (PBUH) and said, “O Messenger of
Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your
advice.” He said, “Do you have a mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Then stay
with her, for
This
explains that serving the parents is a very important duty of every Muslim.
When it is said that “Paradise is beneath the feet of mother”, it actually
means that a person may achieve a place in paradise by serving his/her
parents, by being kind to them, by obeying them. Greatness
I
would like to complete this section by quoting a hadith in this context:
Abdullah
bin Amr reported that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “It is sufficient for a person to be sinful that he be negligent to
those who he (is responsible for) feeding.” (Hadith No. 1692, Book of
Zakat, Sunan Abu Dawud, Vol. 2).
We
should remember that the core of an ideal society is the ‘Institution of
Family’, which is ought to be well-knit and strong. And a Muslim mother plays a
pivotal role in establishing a proper Muslim family. She is said to be the
custodian of future generation.
Hazrat
Anas (RA) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “Among the women of this world, only these four are enough: Maryam bint
Imran; Aasiya, the wife of Fir’aun; Khadija bint Khuwalid and Fatima (RA)”.
(Hadith No. 4447, Musnad Abdullah Bin Masood, Musnad Ahmad Hambal, Vol. 2).
It
is worth noting that the Prophet (PBUH) did not include Syeda Aishah (RA) in
this list. The common feature among these four great women is that all four
were mothers, involved in upbringing of the kids. This is yet another proof
that the most important responsibility of a Muslim woman is that of a mother.
Every Muslim mother should follow the footsteps of these great names; they
should be their role models.
Providing
Islamic knowledge is yet another big responsibility of Muslim parents. Every
child is born as a Muslim, whether he/she is born to parents following any
religion. Then it is the upbringing that develops his/her personality and the
ideology. It is the responsibility of parents to teach their children about
Islamic values. Let me quote some verses form Qur’an for better understanding
of this responsibility:
“And
when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: O my son! Join not in
worship others with Allah. Verily, joining others in worship with Allah is a
great Zulm indeed.”
(Aayah
No. 13, Surah Luqman, Chapter No. 31, Holy Qur’an)
Allah
tells us how Hazrat Luqman (RA) advised his son. His full name was Luqman bin
Anqa bin Sadun, and his son’s name was Tharan. Allah describes him in the best
terms, and states that he granted him wisdom. Hazrat Luqman’s advice to his son
has been considered in very high esteem by Allah, so high that Allah put
forward his advice in Qur’an for the mankind to follow.
Hazrat
Luqman (RA) starts by advising his son to worship Allah alone. Then he warns
his son that joining others in worship with Allah is the greatest sin. The
advice continues in following verses:
“O
my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and
though it be in a rock, or in the heavens, or in the earth, Allah will bring it
forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle, Well-Aware.”
“O
my son! Perform the Salat, enjoin Al-Maruf, and forbid (people)
from Al-Munkar, and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these
are some of the important commandments.”
“And
turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the
earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster.”
“And
be moderate in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all
voices is the braying of the asses.” (Aayah No’s 16 to 19, Surah Luqman,
Chapter No. 31, Holy Qur’an)
Hazrat
Luqman (RA) continues his advice to his son. He tells him about the power of
Allah by emphasizing that any sin, be it as small as the grain of a mustard
seed, is not unseen from Allah. He has the knowledge of all and He shall bring
forth every small sin on the ‘Day of Judgment’.
Then,
Hazrat Luqman (RA) advises his son to perform Salat (Prayers) regularly.
This is yet another great responsibility of parents to teach their children how
to perform Salat and the importance of
performing Salat regularly in the correct manner. There is also a
hadith about this in which Hazrat Sabrah bin Ma’bad Al-Juhni narrated that
Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) said, “Teach the
boy Salat when he is seven years old, and beat him (if he does not pray)
when he is ten.” (Hadith No. 407, Chapters on Salat, Jami’ At-Tirmidhi,
Vol. 1)
The
immediate next advice from Hazrat Luqman (RA)
to his son is to bear patience. This is very logical because when
someone calls people to truth and/or stops people from wrong actions, he/she is
bound to develop many opponents. The opponents may try all possible tricks to
inflict hardships on the person. Sometimes, such people face resistance from
their family members too. In such cases, person has to be patient and leave
everything to Allah. But he/she is not supposed to leave the way of truth
because of any of these calamities etc.
Then
Hazrat Luqman (RA) advises his son not to be arrogant, be moderate in walking
and talk in low voice. Thus, parents are responsible for teaching their
children about modesty, good manners etc.
Based
on these guidelines, parents should ensure that their children are taught
the meaning and importance of Iman (faith), they are taught Qur’an, they are
taught the importance of Islamic values, they are trained to live their lives
as per the rulings of Islam, they should know the greatness of this great
religion and should be able to defend their religion by their actions, words
and preaching.
This
responsibility falls both on the fathers as well as mothers. Again, as
child spends most of his/her time with mother at home, mother shares more
burden of this responsibility. But if a child is left to the mercy of maids,
what can we expect a child to learn.
Apart
from the major responsibilities discussed above, the Muslim parents should also
ensure that they are always with their children supporting them in their just
ambitions and goals. Parents are like a rock solid support for their kids,
though kids may not be aware of this unless they lose one or both of their
parents and are left to their own. Parents should present themselves as an
example for their kids. Children tend to follow the footsteps of their
parents. Therefore, it is necessary that the parents themselves follow the
Islamic ways of life in all aspects so that their kids follow their suit.
Allah
(Glory and Greatness be to Him) mentions in Noble Qur'an: "And your Lord has commanded that you shall
not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of
them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "Ugh" nor
chide them, and speak to them a generous word. And make yourself submissively
gentle to them with compassion, and say: O my Lord! Have compassion on them, as
they brought me up (when I was) little." (17:23-24)
Imam
Zainul Abideen (PBUH) says: "It
is also said that once a man came to the Holy Prophet Muhammad
(PBUH) and asked: "I feed my parents, carry them on my back and clean
them, have I fulfilled my duty towards them? The Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)
answered: No, because, you are serving them in anticipation for their death
while they served you wishing you a long life".
The
Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) says: "Beware! Abstain from angering the
parents. The fragrance of Paradise is perceived even at a distance of a
thousand years, but those who are disobedient to parents and those who cut off
ties with relatives will not be able to smell it."
The
Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) says: "One who displeases the parents, (it is
as if) he has displeased Allah (Glory and Greatness be to Him). One who angers
both (mother and father) his parents (it is as if) he has angered Allah (Glory
and Greatness be to Him)."
The
Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has also stated: "Allah (Glory and Greatness be to Him) will not speak to three
kinds of people on the day of judgment. Neither will He have mercy upon them,
nor will He purify their sins. There is for them a horrible chastisement. The
three types of people are the believers in destiny, the drunkards and those who
disobeyed their parents."
The
wretchedness of the Aaq-e-Waledain is sufficiently evident from the fact that
the trustworthy Jibreel (PBUH) has cursed him and said, "One who is blessed with parents but does not
fulfill their (his parent's) rights will not be forgiven (his sins) by Allah
(Glory and Greatness be to Him)."
When
Jibreel (PBUH) said this, The Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) uttered, 'Amen'!
Imam
Jafar Sadiq (PBUH) said, "Accursed,
Accursed is the one who beats his parents. Accursed is the one who distresses
his parents."
Imam
Jafar Sadiq (PBUH) said, "Allah
(Glory and Greatness be to Him) will not accept the Namaz of the person who
stares angrily at his parents. Even though they (parents) may be unjust."
May
Allah (Glory and Greatness be to Him) grant us the Divine success that we may
come be regarded amongst those who have been good towards their parents. "O' Allah! Make us such that we may be
grateful for the efforts of our parents." "O' Allah! Make us
successful in bringing forth a generation of pure-hearted, believing, grateful
and righteous individuals."
May
Allah forgive me if in this discussion I may have put something wrong and guide
us to the right path…Ameen.
References:
• The Holy Quran
• Sahih Al Bukhari
• Sahih Muslim
• Jami’ At-Tirmidhi
• Sunan Abu Dawud
• Sunan An-Nasa’i
• Parenting skills by Virginia Satir
• Parenting style by Diana Baumrind
http://www.sadiqhasan.com